Earlier tonight, I went to see the new G.I. Joe movie with some friends of mine. The rest of this post is devoted to me complaining about the plot. As such, spoilers are ahead.
Firstly, the premise of the movie is that
the Nineth Doctor a weapons dealer, using NATO funding, has developed nanomachine based weapons capable of being fired from standard rocket propelled grenade launchers. His first run (of four warheads) are being delivered to NATO by US soldiers when they are attacked by
Cobra mysterious bad guys. The soldiers get trashed, but G.I. Joe shows up and the US soldiers manage to hold onto the case with the four warheads. No real problems so far.
Now,
Cobra the mysterious bad guys still want to case, so using a tracking device that was placed in the case, track their way back to the G.I. Joe base and sneak in using
Subterranean APC. They make it all the way to the general's office and grab the case from his safe (his handprint and iris scan protected safe). This is where my first major complaint happens. They have the general at sword-point, but leave him alive (though presumed unconscious) on the ground. The general then springs up and triggers the base alert. Why would the bad guys, at this point already with body counts in the dozens, leave a
captured, high-ranking, high-value target alive? This leads to a completely unnecessary fight scene that could have been averted with a single bullet or head stab.
Now, the bad guys have the case which has four nanomachine warheads previously shown to be capable of trivially destroying a tank and potentially destroying a city if used properly. What do they decide to do? They go to a research lab to "weaponize" them. Now, I don't know what part of the word "warhead" they don't understand, but there doesn't seem to be any more weaponizing to do. They were about ready to be delivered as working weapons. The post-weaponization doesn't seem to make them any more deadly than the "promotional" shots seen earlier. In fact, post-weaponization, the only difference is that the neon-green fluid now has lightning bolts in it. I can't imagine that this is good for the nanites.
Next we have the chase through downtown Paris to blow up the Eiffel Tower. My complaint doesn't happen until the end of this section when two major idiotic decisions are made by the bad guys. Firstly, the Baroness is given the kill switch for the nanites. Rather than putting it in, say, a backpack or satchel, she places it on a belt clip with the control screen facing outward. This leads predictably to one of the characters jumping and hitting the kill switch (while on her belt) before it can do all that much damage. This could have been averted with a plastic case or a confirmation button or even just a reversed direction holder. The big bad then orders the character who just saved Paris to be brought to the secret lair rather than having him killed then and there.
Just shoot him.
Of course, later on we have the hanger with the prototype deus ex machina jet being guarded by two henchmen who apparently never have to report to anyone, but by that point the plot holes are already truck driving sized.
I would say that the movie, taken as a whole is only fun insofar as you can suppress your urge to facepalm at everything the baddies are doing. The action sequences are generally well done, even if every one of them could have been averted by proper thinking from the villains. My vote: wait for the DVD.
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